On Letting Go
When clients ask me how do you let go of hurt, trauma and betrayal, I tell them it is a healing process that differs from person to person. It has taken several years and a lot of work and therapy to get over being cheated on, a divorce, and harrowing custody battle. Even so, there were days when bitterness got the better of me. In those moments I had to remind myself that the only person I was hurting, by not letting go, or by wishing ill on the other person, was myself. I thought often of the metaphor that harbouring resentment or holding a grudge is like drinking a cup of poison, and expecting the other person to die. This helped me get back to a place of grattitude and growth.
I don’t think ‘letting go',’ means forgetting what happened, or minimizing the pain that an event has caused. To truly heal, I had to accept and validate my emotions, but then do the work to move forward. Doing the work has included:
Talking through my feelings, with a counselor and family and friends.
Focusing on what is good in my life.
Being present and grateful (I will talk more about being present in future blogs).
Surrounding myself with positive family members and friends.
Exercising every day.
Practicing mindfulness (future blogs to come).
Eating well.
And…I know this sounds cliche’ but literally treasuring every breath, every moment that I’m still here.
I have recently lost four people I loved dearly, each within months of each other, and who were only in their 40’s when they passed. I have taken my grief and pain and used it to propel me forward - to keep me going, even on those days when I just feel like staying in bed and hiding under the covers (yes, I get those days too).
I have to remind myself each and every day that the best way to honor my loved ones memories, is to be the best version of myself. I have been told that I have a gift of elevating others - of bringing joy and an energy to those around me. Therefore I owe it to those I’ve lost - to those I love and most of all, to myself, to ‘let go,’ of the things that aren’t useful - things that don’t serve me, and to use my gifts, or superpowers, for good. And that includes letting go of anger, resentment and bitterness (I know, easier said than done). That includes letting go of the negative self-talk. Letting go of the messages that I am not good enough. I’m not saying it’s easy to let go and move forward. It is always going to be a work in progress, but every day we get a brand new chance to ‘let go,’ and choose how we show up. I would encourage you to identify your gifts, or your superpowers and then share those gifts. Trust me, the world needs more of what you have to offer!
I wish you all the best in your journey of ‘letting go,’ of whatever is holding you back from the life you deserve to live - a life full of happiness, joy, love and peace.
Love T.